


Forever Unyours

by BasilHellward



Category: iZombie (TV)
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction, S5 E06 'The Scratchmaker', Unrequited Love, Wordcount: 500-1.000, he's Gay ok, this is my response to the writers giving don e a girlfriend lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 19:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19751887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasilHellward/pseuds/BasilHellward
Summary: Perfect girl. Intuition. Yeah, right.





	Forever Unyours

**Author's Note:**

> I've shipped these two forever, but I never have any idea what to write for them. So, here's this in the meantime and hopefully I'll come up with something ~~cheerier~~ for another fic!  
> Big thanks to Charley for reading through this for me and helping me settle on a title <3  
> Please point out any spelling mistakes/grammatical errors there may be so I can fix them — constructive criticism is also welcome! Enjoy :)

Don E stands behind the bar, his arms outstretched across its edge as he watches the newlywed zombie couple. They cut their wedding cake under the neon sign of the Scratching Post and playfully shove pieces into each other's mouths. He's glad for the business — it's been a slow week, what with the anti-Blaine picket taking place outside — but not for the reminder that his eternity will most likely be a lonely one. Don E sighs.

"Excuse me, hon," says one of the guests as she approaches the bar, "excuse me."

Don E straightens to take her order.

"Sidecar. Give it some extra kick."

"You got proof of ID?" he quips, easily turning on his customer service charm. The woman has greying hair and deep laugh lines.

"Funny," she says flatly. "Sense of humor, unique fashion sense." Don E briefly looks down at his floral print shirt, sure she's making fun of him. "Owner or just work here?" 

"Uh, kind of both. It's complicated," Don E says as he pours her drink and wonders what her deal is.

"You're employed," she says, holding up a placating hand. "And yet, despite all that, let me guess... single?"

What the hell, is this Sherlock Holmes wannabe _hitting_ on him? Don E almost scoffs. Her powers of deduction could use some work. She's so hilariously not his type. Don E reminds himself to be polite, lest the customers who are actually here be driven away as well. "How can you tell?"

"It's my job. I'm a matchmaker. Some of my handiwork." She turns to look at the newlywed couple over her shoulder. "So, which way, boys or girls?"

Caught off guard, Don E drops the bottle in his hand. "What?!" It comes out a startled shout and the nervous laugh that follows is just as loud. He's never been asked that question before, and he's never told anyone either. Scott had been the only one who'd known because he'd caught Don E with a guy when they were seventeen. "What— what—" he stammers as he ducks to pick up the shards of glass and to hide the blush that isn't actually there. Old habits.

"So, girls. Okay. Yes, I see." 

So she's no Sherlock Holmes after all. Don E doesn't correct her. 

"I think I have the perfect girl for you."

 _Sure you do,_ he thinks. "Yeah? How d'you know?" is what he says out loud.

"Intuition," the matchmaker says, "Experience. It's my job."

Perfect girl. Intuition. Yeah, right. Don E's brain conjures images of wide blue eyes, artfully dishevelled white hair, a smug, pouting smirk. 

"I already found the perfect one," he smiles bitterly as he hands her drink to her. "I'm just not the one for him."

She blinks at him. "Oh. From your reaction, I assumed... Well, if you change your mind," the matchmaker says, placing her card on the bar. 

Don E picks it up and looks at the sickening swirly font and the heart that surrounds it. He blows out his cheeks in a scoff and drops the card, sending it fluttering to the floor on the opposite side of the bar. Pouring himself a stiff drink, he watches the newlyweds kiss and feels the weight of his loneliness sink into his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! If you have a minute, leave a comment telling me what you thought, I'd love to know. Constructive criticism is welcome! If you don't have a minute, just leave kudos ;)


End file.
